January 27, 2010

...remembering zane

...it.s early morning january 27th, 2009... i had just dropped off a car full of loud, wiggly, giggling, singing, rambunctious elementary kids at school.  watched them as a few took off running.  one skipped.  her backpack looking entirely too big for her little kindergarten body and the older ones sauntered and chattered about each others outfits for the day.  i turned my big old SUV around and headed for home.
"ahh, a now quiet home."
as i slowed at the final stop sign at the fork in the road i felt a slight tug to turn my car right.
"why turn right?"  i said to myself.  "we live left remember?  we do this everyday chrissy."
"go right."     "turn right."    it whispered again.
"this is silly", i thought to myself.  but just to be sure i looked off to my right...
there, down the desert road a few houses, were lights swirling.   lights on trucks.   some high and some low.  people in dark clothes were hurridly jumping from the cars.  hands full and running towards the nearest house.
"go", it said again.
i replied with, "is that the jemmett's house?"  "are they going into the jemmett's house?"
"go",  "go!"  "go!!"
okay.   i admit i.m slow.   slow to recognize inspiration.  promptings.  whatever name you want to call it.   always questioning myself.  why me?  not me!  but when it moves from a soft voice in my head to a yell in my heart,   i listen.
the car went right.
i slowly drove by the house.  all the bodies had disappeared through the front door.
"now what?" the voice inside my head snapped at the voice inside my heart.
"you can't just run in there."  "who knows what might be wrong."   "you're just being nosey."
"run in!" the heart voice firmly replied.
instead, i ran to the door of the closest neighbor.  a good friend.
i told her of the lights.   the urgent bodies running.   the insistent nudgings inside me.
just then a phone call came through to her house.  a voice.  panicked.  unrecognizable.  "help!"  "please help!"
"run chrissy" she called.
i ran.
the scene inside was chaos.
little 4 yr. old zane lay motionless on the hard wood floor.  firefighters anxiously working on his tiny body.   i grabbed his mom and held her.  i held her close.  i held her tight.
time stood still.
i remember the 3 and 1/2 mile ride to the hospital.   me driving.   zane.s mom in my passenger seat.  the ambulance in front of us.
she kept saying over and over..."dear god.  not zane.  please!  not zane.  please don't take zane"
all i could do was wipe my tears. try to brave.  hold her hand and be there.
i knew i couldn't tell her it would be all right.
for somewhere deep inside, i knew it wasn't going to be.
the next 12 hours of my life were extremely personal.   extremely heart wrenching.   extremely spiritual.
full of the deepest kind of love and agony i.ve ever witnessed intertwined together.

little zane george jemmett went to heaven a year ago today.
to this day we still don't know why.  it was an unexplained death.  i have faith that there is a greater reason for his early departure, but for now, that.s all it is.....faith.
the end of his short mortal life brought life lessons to my family that will never be forgotten.
from his death, my family has learned to live more fully in love.
it.s a somber post today, but if you get just one thing from taking the time to read this far, my hope is this...
"hold the ones you love a bit tighter today.  life is precious."
we miss you zane!


  1. I can't stop crying! Wow, what a reminder to hold the ones we love and cherish each moment we have with them.
    Thanks for sharing. sweet, sweet, boy. I can't imagine what his mom feels like today.
    love you Chrissy, so much!

  2. the unimaginable...to lose a child. i can't understand it, i can't comprehend it and i hope i never have to experience it. i have known several people who have gone through it; some never got passed it, some learned to live again, but not completely but with broken hearts.
    you are so brave and thoughtful and even though it was unbearable to witness what you did, i am glad his mom had a sweet soul like you by her side that day. i know i would want someone like you next to me at a time like that.

  3. I couldn't stop the tears reading this tender story. My heart goes out to Zane's mother. A good reminder to hold our dear one's close and listen to those promptings when they come.


  4. tears. tears. tears.

    feeling at a loss for words because it is so difficult to understand why something like this would happen...but i agree with you...faith in there being a reason.

    to me it is unfathomable to imagine having to bury a child... it's funny i cried this morning from the minute my girls got out at school until i was back home. i cried tears of overwhelming love and gratitude that those sweet things are mine!

    love you so much my friend...you are such a blessing to all that know you!

  5. Hi Chrissy,

    Thank you so much for sharing this story. I really needed this today because my kids are driving me crazy and I have been trying (pretty unsuccessfully) to find ways to stay sane and positive. But after reading of this tradegy, I could turn around and see my beautiful children in a new light and feel the profound love that only a mother can know.

    ps. you are a great writer

  6. beautiful chrissy. thanks for writing this one today. you are a wonderful person who listened and did a heroic thing that day. you are a great example to live life to its fullest. thank you.

  7. what a blessing that you were nearby for Zane's mother to provide support and a ride to the hospital - i think that was your role that day and to share this story is your other role: to remind us that Life is SHORT and PRECIOUS...

    it reminds me of a moment in the movie "The Hours", when 'Virginia Woolf' replies to the question, why must the Artist die:

    "The Artist must die so the rest of us will value Life a little more"...

    thank you for this sorrowful yet beautiful reminder

  8. Thanks for sharing this heart wrenching event; I lived something similar, it was my Dad. It is so sad to lose a child, one you have held and loved. I did lose my lst child, but it isn't the same, 5 months in the womb. I can relate to the panic in your post; I am glad you were there for Zane's Mom and you listened to your intuition! Life is precious and we forget that sometimes; thanks for the reminder! (((hugs)))

  9. Chrissy- how beautifully shared. I cant believe it has been a year already. I hope that you have a chance to share this with Zane's mom today. When you do tell here there are many mom's who she has never met that are sharing her heartache today. xoxo

  10. Oh my what a precious boy to be taken, overwhelmed reading this post tugging at the heart strings and beautifully shared Chrissy. A terrible experience to have to go through...and a strong reminder just how precious life, love and friendship is. Sending virtual hugs and comforting thoughts. xx

  11. Heartful thoughts to you and to Zane's family. What a tragic loss.

    Only 3 weeks now till I'll be seeing you. Can't wait.

  12. So much love to you and Zane's family. So glad that you were able to be there for her in that moment.

  13. the tears are streaming down my face. i could imagine going through such a loss as that.

    it is good to be reminded that we do need to not take for granted those we love. Even during the hard days and the darkest hours. We need to appreciate them for that moment.

    You are an incredible spirt. Zanes mom was very fortunate to have you there with her at such an incredible tough moment in her life.

    Sending loving thoughts to you, your family, and zane;s family


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