...remembering zane

...it.s early morning january 27th, 2009... i had just dropped off a car full of loud, wiggly, giggling, singing, rambunctious elementary kids at school.  watched them as a few took off running.  one skipped.  her backpack looking entirely too big for her little kindergarten body and the older ones sauntered and chattered about each others outfits for the day.  i turned my big old SUV around and headed for home.
"ahh, a now quiet home."
as i slowed at the final stop sign at the fork in the road i felt a slight tug to turn my car right.
"why turn right?"  i said to myself.  "we live left remember?  we do this everyday chrissy."
"go right."     "turn right."    it whispered again.
"this is silly", i thought to myself.  but just to be sure i looked off to my right...
there, down the desert road a few houses, were lights swirling.   lights on trucks.   some high and some low.  people in dark clothes were hurridly jumping from the cars.  hands full and running towards the nearest house.
"go", it said again.
i replied with, "is that the jemmett's house?"  "are they going into the jemmett's house?"
"go",  "go!"  "go!!"
okay.   i admit i.m slow.   slow to recognize inspiration.  promptings.  whatever name you want to call it.   always questioning myself.  why me?  not me!  but when it moves from a soft voice in my head to a yell in my heart,   i listen.
the car went right.
i slowly drove by the house.  all the bodies had disappeared through the front door.
"now what?" the voice inside my head snapped at the voice inside my heart.
"you can't just run in there."  "who knows what might be wrong."   "you're just being nosey."
"run in!" the heart voice firmly replied.
instead, i ran to the door of the closest neighbor.  a good friend.
i told her of the lights.   the urgent bodies running.   the insistent nudgings inside me.
just then a phone call came through to her house.  a voice.  panicked.  unrecognizable.  "help!"  "please help!"
"run chrissy" she called.
i ran.
the scene inside was chaos.
little 4 yr. old zane lay motionless on the hard wood floor.  firefighters anxiously working on his tiny body.   i grabbed his mom and held her.  i held her close.  i held her tight.
time stood still.
i remember the 3 and 1/2 mile ride to the hospital.   me driving.   zane.s mom in my passenger seat.  the ambulance in front of us.
she kept saying over and over..."dear god.  not zane.  please!  not zane.  please don't take zane"
all i could do was wipe my tears. try to brave.  hold her hand and be there.
i knew i couldn't tell her it would be all right.
for somewhere deep inside, i knew it wasn't going to be.
the next 12 hours of my life were extremely personal.   extremely heart wrenching.   extremely spiritual.
full of the deepest kind of love and agony i.ve ever witnessed intertwined together.

little zane george jemmett went to heaven a year ago today.
to this day we still don't know why.  it was an unexplained death.  i have faith that there is a greater reason for his early departure, but for now, that.s all it is.....faith.
the end of his short mortal life brought life lessons to my family that will never be forgotten.
from his death, my family has learned to live more fully in love.
it.s a somber post today, but if you get just one thing from taking the time to read this far, my hope is this...
"hold the ones you love a bit tighter today.  life is precious."
we miss you zane!